Friday, May 24, 2013

The power of mothers

I am aware of being watched... I am also aware that at the ages of 19 and 14, my boys are well old enough to make their own lunches... 

But will they make healthy lunches like this without me?

I have read The Power of Mothers (Celia Lashlie)  local guru on, mostly, raising boys tough-love style.  Her latest work is probably an attempt at balance. But in her bestselling book on raising boys CL is quite clear that mothers making their sons’ lunches into their teens is getting in their faces and teaching them that women are here to serve. She's right. I KNOW! The dads should take over at that point. Leave it to the blokes. 

M does make his own lunch these days. Perhaps there's a fraction of resentment that I make the boys’ lunches and not his, but only a fraction. And only perhaps. I used to make his lunch: Vegemite and alfalfa on 

Vogels, but not for a while.

I haven’t been feeding M since he was born - since before that indeed.. I have been feeding the boys since the day they were conceived and the fact that there is no one else on Earth who can say that about those two boys makes it special to me, and for me. M feeds them too, of course, more so this year since I started teaching dance. But I have done most of the feeding since the beginning. He has paid most of the bills, to be fair, and there are many ways to give sustenance other than with food feeding.

Boys five years apart can be tricky. When the older one is ready to evolve, to have thorough discussion, for instance, the younger one isn't - though he grows up faster than the first, generally. And when the younger one needs some extra affection I can’t really give it to him in front of the older one who has grown out of the affection but resents that his younger brother hasn't.  

But mostly it's just hard to stop feeding (serving) them. I feel programmed with Feed Your Boys software. I am slave to the programme that I merely play host to. 

It is different with daughter B (17). B is Independent with a capital I. She is out the door by ten past seven in the morning and not back till well after five. She makes her own breakfast and lunch entirely, though from the pantry that is stocked by her parents. I still make her dinners, and I enjoy doing that, because with B, and I think with all females, there's another whole level of food-appreciation than for boys. The boys want protein, quantity and service. Simple. Girls want EVERYTHING from food. From emotional sustenance to the ecstatic squish of whipped cream in the mouth. Everything. 

Not sure about the egg? Could this be a very Good Friday?
Boys generally respond much more to the Mum-as-helper role. Mum who would do anything for me role. Girls don't want so much to be served (as loved), any more than they want to serve, most of them. Various exceptions, of course. 

The ubiquitous pizza
Still, if I had not made the boys' spaghetti sandwiches this morning and not bought their Granny Smith apples at the supermarket yesterday for their lunch-boxes today, they would not be taking apple and lettuce and tomato and lean beef on rye to school and uni today. They would be taking Coco Pops and Coke. I know this because that is exactly what they did live off when we went overseas last year without them. Coco pops and Coke, and, of course, the ubiquitous pizza. 

No comments:

Post a Comment