Monday, May 23, 2016

Wrestling with the F-word (followers)

Since my first book was published three weeks ago with this blog address included in the author biography and Amazon profile, I have gained a total of three new 'followers', bringing the titanic tally to nineteen. My viewer stats have increased by a larger degree, an estimated 20-30%, but nobody sees those rather more impressive stats except for my trusty followers -- and me -- at least as far as I can work out. I don't really know what my non-followers (stalkers) see, which might be my first problem.

My Facebook page says I have 83 friends but my paltry follower stats say different. I have ever so gently tried to coax followers from FB 'friends' in the past, but to little or no avail. I don't like to PUSH. It's undignified and desperate.

Also, I am told Blogspot doesn't make it easy to follow (thanks for telling me that three years ago when I got started), and yet those nimble nineteen seem to have managed it without any need to return to university to re-qualify in following.

Of course the word is a major turn-off; 'friends' is clearly a much more persuasive lure -- if ever there were a clever euphemism (!). Still, it's not a blind, sheep-like following to follow an erudite and entertaining, up-to-the-minute-in-all-that-is-hip-and-happening blogger; I know because I follow a few such blogs without feeling the need to ba-aa-aa. Ha-aa-aa but not ba-aa-aa; there's a difference.

This Easter, getting less dignified and more desperate by the minute, I even came out for the cause as Jesus's sister, an identity that although hard to say, and slightly harder to believe, I thought should up my follower numbers some (naught). As a feminist I was not naive enough to think I could match my brother's follower stats (2.8 million trillion), but I had thought some of his followers, perhaps especially the female ones, might be tempted to switch allegiance to a living woman rather than a long-dead man. More fool me.

So now I'm resorting to begging. Next step the crucifix. If you don't wish me to go to those lengths, I ask that you please -- hands held together in prayer-like pose -- consider going through the rigmarole of following OWW. I'm sure it's not as painful as it sounds, and certainly not as painful as crucifixion -- especially for me.    

Thank you and God bless.


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