"Diamonds at the meeting of my thighs"

... and still she rises -- ninety years to the day, with a touching tribute from Google...

Going Going Gaffigan

We were going to see Jim Gaffigan last year in Auckland but the tour was cancelled when his wife's doctor discovered "a tumour the size of a pear" in her brain. So we went to see him last night instead...

And he was great, well worth the wait. 

Better still, his wife Jeannie is with him on this down under tour and, as he told us last night, is now in pristine, pear-free health, and was happily minding their five kids, who are also on the tour with them, back at the hotel. They were no doubt the reason the show was scheduled for a 7pm start instead of the usual 8pm. 

We were wondering how he would deal with this frightening episode in their young family's life and were impressed with his ability to joke about it - "I was thinking, if anything goes wrong, these kids are going to have to be put up for adoption!" - but still convey his genuine relief, love and gratitude for his wife and their kids at every turn. 

A good portion of his show is about his wife and kids, which is relatively new subject matter for male comedians, though "the wife" has of course been the butt of comedian's sexist jokes since the beginning of comedy, the kind of 'comedy' that adorns this charming black-painted van that has parked itself outside our house for the last two weeks as if trying to tell me something. My husband's not responsible for it, but some other lucky woman's husband/ex clearly is, as it's definitely the work of someone with a (very small) penis, and as such I am sorely tempted to spray paint over the opening 'you' and replace it with 'women'. But I can't be arsed with trolls.

Apparently this sort of cheap sexist comedy is still going strong for some. It's got a long pedigree of course. I remember Billy Connolly's joke about how a guy killed and buried his wife face-down in the garage with her bum sticking out so he would have somewhere to park his bike. He told that joke on Aspell near the start of his career, so I guess it worked for him then. Perhaps not today so much.

His later comedy, after he'd been happily married and a father for a number of years, was rather less sexist, and perhaps the comedy industry grew up a bit with him.

Gaffigan is considered a 'clean' comedian, unlike Connolly and most other male comedians, largely because he doesn't swear or tell jokes about killing women. But 'clean' is hardly an adjective any kind of artist would seek out or welcome as it suggests playing things safe and going with the mainstream,  which is not at all what Gaffigan does.

Rather than clean, I would say that Gaffigan is a clever comedian who knows that there is a place for swearing and on stage is not always it, though I have heard some very clever female comics make good use of various S, M, F and C words. But women swearing well tends to challenge stereotypes in a way that men swearing doesn't, and challenging narrow assumptions about groups of people is surely something that comedy and all art should do.

As far as the man-woman thing goes, Gaffigan, who writes with his wife, seems to get, better than most, that the best comedy is made from making fun of yourself first, those people who take themselves a little too seriously second, and third, those people who fuck up life for the rest of us (eg Trump voters and the van artist on our street), even if he is not what you would call a political comedian, although non-sexism from a male comic is fairly political.

Anyway, go see him if you get the chance, he's heading to Melbourne tomorrow.

I've been writing this on and off practically all day while trying not to take myself too seriously eating deep brown eggs, walking through water, partaking in family gatherings, speaking long distance to my mother and son, etc. So it is time to end it now (food is on its way).

I leave you with an image of the awesome eggs that my good man gave me today for Easter, which, apart from anything else, suggests to me that he, for one humble husband, does not wish he were dead. And thank fuck (and Jesus) for that!







 

    

                                                 

Presidential Golf???

So Barack Obama is in the country for the first time ever and the first thing he does is play god damn golf with our former right-wing PM John Key who is a professional golfer now and no doubt capable of swinging some high stakes clubs around to arrange this meeting with Obama on his first day int he country and before he meets with our our current prime minister, Jacinda Ardern! No doubt the insult to Ardern and to the Labour-co-alition government and possibly also to Maori who are this nation's first hosts, was all set up so that Key could get to say he beat Barack Obama on the golf course. FFS!

Seeing this kind of power held by one man (Key), not even a politician anymore, sets a bad precedent. Obama should have met with Jacinda first, shown his respect to the young woman leader who symbolises a democracy at work in this country in a way that Obama should appreciate especially. Money should not have been able to overrule that. But it did. International man money swung its dirty, godlike golf club to undo the natural order of things such as they would work in a better world where people like these two, people who fight the good fight and try to, and in many ways do, make the world better for others, get to hang out first - and last. The club-wielding dickheads should - and will - have to wait to meet the good people, and maybe they will never get that privilege. 

So finally Obama and Jacinda meet and sure enough get on. What a relief it must be for good people to meet good people in politics, with so much of their time spent meeting dickheads. Perhaps their meeting was better having to wait for Key to sink his balls. Perhaps.

So much more satisfying watching good people in politics meet up and get on than watching a hole in one (or three). I wonder why men are so obsessed with golf...?

It's All About Time (almost)

I cannot profess to know what the heck Stephen Hawking added to our knowledge of the universe and black holes...  and have not read his A Brief History of Time, though have thought about giving it a go but have never had the time - ha! I have been too busy writing jokes like that. Comedy is an art form that is said to have something - everything - to do with timing, if not Time. They're relatives. Hmm...

But I know a good story when I come across one, as I and millions of others did through the 2014 film, The Theory of Everything, that was made of Hawking's life based on the book that his wife Jane Wilde wrote about that life, including her critical role in keeping him alive and inspiring him to go on when he was ready to give up (all verified by Hawking and many others who were there, for those sceptics who don't believe anything women say about what they have done to further the lot of mankind).

Indeed theirs is a profound love story and that is what got people like me, non scientists, interested in the man who once (post his relationship with Jane) told a reporter that he might understand the universe but he doesn't understand women any more than the next man.

Just as well his wife understood him and loved him through all his lack of understanding too, because an understanding love trumps all, including men's determination to remain mystified about the most interesting and important puzzle in life; the ultimate black hole, if you will.

Sorry, but I am a comedian now and when the joke fits, and it fits here, use it. Perhaps it will stand the test of time, perhaps not. Perhaps what Hawking had to say on other black holes will stand the test of time, perhaps not.

But what has and will stand the test of time, because we are all doomed without it, is love, surely the greatest mystery and magic of the universe.

RIP Stephen Hawking (who died yesterday) in the knowledge that you were loved.

The Spanish Sisterhood Insurrects in Style for IWD

"No women has an orgasm polishing the kitchen floor" ...

... might be the best protest banner line ever written.

Viva la revolución! 

Me too much on International Women's Day 2018

On our publicly-funded commercial free Radio New Zealand channel yesterday one of the male guest speakers expressed his frustration with the prevalence of #MeToo messages in the media and entertainment industry and reckoned that this possibly explained why fewer people watched the Oscars this year as had done in previous years.

He was on the programme with a female host, who was standing in for the usual male host, and another female guest. These women then both tried to respond to his frustrations.

The female guest said that 'maybe the women involved are pretty sick of having to talk about the abuse they have suffered, and sick of the abuse itself,' or words to that effect, spoken with admirable restraint and minimal exasperation, although she made it clear that her frustration and disappointment with this guest's decision to blame women for talking too much about their abuse was greater than his, and justifiably so.

But then the host kind of tried to find a compromise position by saying that it is exhausting having to listen to so many stories of abuse, which was a little disappointing to hear, as really we have only been talking openly and at any length about the sexual abuse of women (and some men) in the entertainment industry and beyond since October, which is barely six months.

They're all men, right?
Hollywood women were reportedly advised to 'tone down' their #MeToo and #TimesUp protests at this year's Oscars.

So in a world where historically, for hundreds if not thousands of years (never mind six measly months) women have been made to listen to men talk about their shit and to shut up about the shit that men put them through, this man's complaint about six months of push back from women, the kind of push back that might help to not only stop the endemic culture of sexist abuse, but the above stats on the systemic gender bias in the film industry and awards system, is a pathetic reflection of the very attitude that allows such abuse and bias to continue unchecked.

Most men, those who don't abuse women directly, just don't want to know about those men that do, and so it continues to be up to women to stop abusive men, even when men have the vast majority of the power in all industries of cultural and political influence. That's the problem in a nutshell and the sooner we own it and speak out about it, women and men alike, the better we will all be.

Stand up for women, men, or stand against us, that's the message I want to put out there for International Women's Day 2018.

Sold Out Sorry!

I'm not complaining, but...

... my final Fringe show on Saturday was so sold out that my husband had to turn our good friends away at the door after they had been looking forward to the show for many weeks but somehow hadn't gotten the memo reminding them that if they want to be sure to see a show they are looking forward to seeing they should probably book ahead! Either that or they presumed that a show with me and me only in it had next to no chance of selling out. Hmm... sometimes friends can be a little like that, and possibly I gave them that impression too. Sorry friends!!!

It didn't help that they are friends who don't use Facebook (whart???) and I don't do Instagram (whart??), which they favour, so they missed all my raving about the event and posting of my sold out opening night show on Facebook. And in the rush of that busy week I didn't think to message them separately, other than to email them briefly earlier in the week to remind them that the event was on and to ask them to please invite their friends too (which they didn't do, in the end, and just as well). 

It's not a bad problem to have to sell out your first comedy special twice I know, but I did want those friends to be there and really anyone else who wanted to see the show and couldn't, which included some other people who turned up at the door wanting tickets despite having to walk past this giant poster and sold out sign to get to that door. One young couple even waited to no avail for half an hour hoping to get tickets if some of the ticketed people didn't turn up. Blimey! 

In the end the Lounge space was a bit overcrowded with the front row completely visible to me and on my level, which was less than ideal. Next time a bigger venue, methinks, as well as bigger expectations on the part of the artist and her friends alike. 

That's not tempting fate at all ! And not just as far as attendance at any subsequent shows go. I haven't heard back from those friends since I emailed them yesterday morning profuse with apology and disbelief. I have a horrible feeling they think it's all my fault, which it probably is. Most things are. Why do you think I started stand-up comedy!!? To make new friends...